Some Encouragement

A friend of mine encouraged me to join a new blog hop today. (Her blog is Giggles and Grimaces) I find that I am rarely on my own blog but do enjoy writing sometimes. :) The blog she thought I would like is An Ordinary Mom. And while i'm not really a mom yet, I do play mommy to my 2 little dachshunds :)

Here are some pictures of them from recently....

Mya in her Halloween costume. She would like me to tell you that she absolutely loathes playing dress up, but she tolerates it once a year so I can get a picture.

Riley (my baby) loves playing with her ball!

Riley again, in her new shirt. She really is a "Toy-Minator" much to her sisters dismay. She destroys all the new toys that I get them. It's become a rarity that I will spend $ on toys for that reason. I started buying toys from the dollar store.....

Thanks Giggles and Grimaces for the encouragment :)

Getting Healthy...

It's no secret that loosing weight is HARD! One of the best things I learned at an early age is that skinny girls aren't just born skinny.... A lot goes into it. Diet, exercise, and a little genetics :) Even though I know all of this, I have struggled with my weight since highschool. It started when I could no longer play sports competitively due to having shoulder surgery twice. Instead I chose to ride horses, which is hard work, but not nearly as physically challenging as volleyball, cheerleading or swimming. (at least not at the beginner level) I slowly gained about 10 pounds before the end of highschool. Depressing, but I wasn't by any means heavy or overweight. In college I gained even more and developed high blood pressure as well. I just attributed all of this to the fact that I was obessed with all you can eat salads and french fries every day in the dorm cafeteria :) So pack on another 20 to 25 pounds by the end of college.... Way Way depressing! I managed to loose 10 lbs after my freshman year but then put it back on after graduation when I moved in with my now husband.

Further more I have ignored the fact that I have high blood pressure for eh.... almost 6 years now... not good! I thought if I lost weight or worked out more it would go away. I mean 20 year olds just don't "have" high blood pressure. I made up lots of excuses as to why I had it - I'm terrified of the doctor and therefore my blood pressure spikes, which is true, but I would take it at home and it would still be high. I'm super stressed ALL the time. My family and friends know I don't relax often thus my blood pressue is high....I don't drink enough water....also true but I don't think it's going to make that big of a difference....you get the point. Enough excuses. I definitely work out more, but haven't lost the weight yet and I still can't get my blood pressure to go down. So I have to go to the doctor now. It's funny how when you get older you start to worry about your health a little more and things really get into perpective. Like the fact that I want kids. But deep down I know that starting a pregnacy even slighty overweight with high blood pressure can pose serious risks for me and my unborn child. So i'm on a new mission now....getting myself healthy before bugging hubby about kids.

It's going to be a long road. My short term goal is to get my blood pressure under control and to loose 15 lbs. Crossing my fingers and praying for patience, persistance and motivation to keep it up. :)

Children?

We've been married for almost 3 months and it's no secret that I want kids! Within the last year I've really wanted kids...bad! Poor Josh on the other hand does not...at least not yet. He says he still feels too young and not ready to take on another living being to care for. I can't argue with that honesty and truthfullness. And it's also selfless in a way - I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world with someone who just wasn't ready yet. I can respect that. I've also been going baby crazy just bit since my neighbor and friend has been pregnant and just delivered her 3rd beautiful baby girl! :) She brought her over tonight and she is so perfect.

So as much as I really do want to have a baby, when I really really think about the reality of it all I'm scared to death! For example, if I found out I was pregnant today, I can only imagine that I would start freaking out thinking about all that i've done lately (drinking, cleaning with "horrible for you" products because they work!) And I suddenly realize how much my life really would change, and Josh's as well. In a weird way Josh and I have become much closer since our wedding. I feel like we're best friends again and content on just hanging out talking all night (which we've done a lot recently) I would miss all of that because a baby would consume us. So as much as I hate to admit it (and I won't tell him...yet) He is right and our entire family will benefit from us waiting just a bit longer. :) I'm pretty sure I can convince him after a year anyways, which means I will still only be 25 and young enough - a year really isn't that long anyways.....

So for now, I get to enjoy my friend's baby once in awhile and enjoy her :)

I'm Back.....!

Wow it's been so long since my last post! I must admit, the month of June was pretty much a do nothing, barely get by kind of month. I needed to destress after that wedding. :)

As you may have guessed or perhaps you already know - our wedding was perfect!! I don't have to bore you with all of the details but I truely did marry my best friend and the day was great! Time flew by, but I seriously couldn't be more happier to be married. Many people have asked me if married life is any different. Before the wedding I would have told you that everything will remain the same and nothing will change. We practically were married for 2 years prior since we lived together and shared everything but a bank account (something I recommend for all couples by the way - living together, but def. not sharing a bank account or cosigning on bills/loans, but that is for a whole other post). Anyway, not much has changed between Josh and I since being married, but somethings have suprised me. Example: I actually panicked one day that this is permanent. Not that I actually want to break up, but it's much more serious now. Yes I knew that going in, but you can't grasp that concept until you have actually made that step and gotten married in my opinon. And of course the financial aspect is now different. We each have a say in how we spend our money and that will be our biggest challenge, like it is with almost all couples I'm sure. So things are a little different, but nothing we can't handle. It's just sometimes freaky how real it is - we both can't believe we started dating at 15 (actually I was 2 weeks away from 15). We remember sitting in Highschool together and sharing a locker. :)

Work has been crazy to say the least. I have had a new manager for about 5 months now and I think our whole team is still adjusting to the changes that our company has made within the last year. Times have been stressful and I have questioned my interest to stay in my job more than once now. But I truly think I am with a great company and I can't imagine leaving. I seem to have found some new movitivation this past week and I'm hoping it continues this way. I hate feeling like an unproductive careless employee. It's just not who I am, or even my work ethic.

Summer is almost over, depressing to say the least. I've been bummed that this year we never made it up north and I am starting to think it will be impossible to take a vacation until the September. Hopefully we'll at least make it to the beach and we have a few local activities planned....Tigers game, and Woodward Dream Cruise...woo hoo!

My Life is....

CRAZY!!! We are at the 9 day count day for our wedding and i'm ready to take from now until after the wedding off from my job because I feel like I have a million other things to do.

Today started out ok..... I was feeling a little stressed but somewhat in control until I went to call the ceremony musician and I couldn't find his number and then I started writing thank you cards to my parents but realized I was writing in the card that we got for Josh's parents.....ughhhh.

My caterer has not gotten back to me about drinks or cutting our cake, and my FI's mom is MIA and hasn't said anything about anything lately which is a little strange... and my own mother is stressed at her job and not available for venting.

When asked if i'm excited I find myself lying through my teeth that i'm thrilled when in reality I think i'll be most happy when i'm on a plane headed to Vegas.

End of Vent

Bad times come in three's right?

I'm not superstitious but I am beginning to wonder.

While I was in Florida for work last week, Josh called me to tell me that he had lost his job. The shop that he was working at went under and filed for bankruptcy. Oh joy, 3 weeks before we are getting married. We knew the shop was having issues, but Josh had been told that they were trying to sell it before it closed. Obviously that didn't happen and Josh was left without a job. I was scared and happy at the same time which is a weird feeling. Josh had been so stressed from his past job and worked for such little pay that I sometimes wondered if it was even worth it. So I was happy because he needed some time off. And this past weekend was fun, and he was light hearted and just all around fun. A side of Josh I haven't seen very often lately. But I was scared to be the only income for awhile. I wasn't worried about our house or our utilities since I made sure I could afford them all myself when we moved. But Josh has bills too, which I knew I could not afford myself - car loan, student loan, tool bills, ect. Josh had some money saved, but who knew how long it would take to get another job and how long would that money last....

Second bad thing (not so big compared to the first) Josh broke his cell phone the same day he lost his job. We don't have a phone line at home so cell phones are it. Luckily I had an old cell phone in a drawer that has been working great temporarily - crisis averted!

Third bad thing was just issues with my work, not any loosing of jobs, just jobs changing and not being entirely thrilled about it.

Here is the upside to all of it:
1. Josh got a new job today (5 days after loosing last job - woohoo!)
2. My Job is looking up and I have a new outlook
3. Josh is getting a new phone now that we will have 2 incomes again!

So if bad things come in threes, must be good things do too!

Planning a Wedding - things you wish you knew when you started

I'm tying all of the loose ends up for our wedding today - mailing last minute checks, sending last minute e-mails, finishing the ceremony program......the list goes on.....

Here is what I wish they told you BEFORE you got engaged, there should be a class in college or something serioulsy....

1. How much to "stipend" your minister, I still have no clue and apparently it varies religion to religion and even presbyterian to luthern to nazarene ect. It also varies by who pays (brides family vs. grooms family) As of right now it's me and Josh. Go figure I can't find info on that one.....

2. You won't have time to do anything yourself on your wedding day and you have to delegate which scares the crap out of me, and probably is a fault of mine - I know how I want things done so it's easier for me to just do it myself rather than explain.... I am a control freak apparently

3. People RSVP for your wedding who were not invited, and how to handle it?

4. You should spend money on a DOC (Day of Events Coordinator) to handle things since you cannot (see # 2)

5. Invitations and ceremony programs and bridal shower ettiquette......seriously what did people do without the internet..... I look things up and have managed to do somethings wrong.....

I keep saying "next time I'll do it this way...." and then I realize that there will not be a next time, unless we renew our vows in which case we are doing it alone and not planning any party :)

12 days and counting until the big day. I am learning to let go, and this is mostly because I have too, there are just certaint things I cannot change any further and the best qoute my old boss used to say "It is what it is.....".

I love my Mechanic!

Josh is a mechanic a.k.a. auto service technician, greasemonkey, wrencher....ect. I never know what Josh likes his "title" to be. :)

Anyway I do love my mechanic but let me tell you why I don't love him....

- My rug at our back door that I refuse to pay more than $5.00 for has a black grease stain on it from his boots. We have a boot tray that they sit in when he is not wearing them, but the simple walking in the door and taking them off leaves a huge black mark on my rug that will not come out! I only buy brown rugs from TJ max for this reason.

- There are hand prints everywhere! I usually know where he has been and sometimes wonder how or why he touched something like the baseboards.... but I know he did from the black smudges that are left behind. I am condsidering buying Mr. Clean Magic Eraser stock because I use them so much! I don't know what I would do without them.

- We have an industrial size tub of Goop in our shower because regular soap won't get the grease off. He also has permenatley stained forearms and hands/fingernails. I've only seen them clean when we go up north for the weekend and he is in the water everyday. Our wedding pictures should be interesting! :)

- Even though Josh showers and scrubs every night before he goes to bed, you can still tell which side of the bed he sleeps on if you pulled back the covers. There is a "haze" of grey on his side of the bed. I have a new understanding for the word "clean". I also have decided that we will never own white sheets, or any other light color for that matter.

- If I have to wash Josh's work clothes because he forgot to take them to work to be cleaned, I then have to clean my washer out. Who would have thought you'd clean your washer after you just cleaned your clothes?! When we own a home I think I will buy a used washer and put it in the garage for his work clothes only. I can also see this coming in handy if we have children that also like to be dirty.

Yes I love my mechanic very much and can't imagine life without him. He can fix anything, and I mean anything....he is just mechanically inclined. I have however learned why his mother got so annoyed when he came in the house after working in the garage. She now laughs at my cleaning stories.

Gotta love my mechanic!

My Wedding Pet Peeves

I'm not married yet, but it's getting close! 43 more days!!! Although that doesn't mean that there are not a ton of things that haven't annoyed me already.

I've been busy perusing wedding pictures and envisioning my own wedding day/night. I couldn't help being nit picky and decided I'd write a post about it.

Megan's Wedding Pet Peeves:
1. People who think they are invited and tell you "don't forget to send my invitation!" Wedding's aren't cheap people, and if I haven't talked to you since high school, don't expect an invitation.

2. People who don't rsvp - ok this one may not be a good pet peeve, since my rsvp deadline isn't until May 8, but if they haven't rsvp'd by then, i'm going to be annoyed!

3. People who think my wedding is a great place for free alcohol and a way to get drunk. Again...this isn't cheap and you can drink and still be polite and respectful without potentially ruining my day or embarrasing yourself.

4. Out of control guest lists......don't let it happen to you!

5. Weddings are supposed to be sentimental, but i'm really not overly sentimental so please don't get upset when I don't care if we have a videographer or when I don't think we need actual champagne for the toast. (although, I did loose the champagne arguement lol) or that we are not having a recieving line.... I probably won't save my bouquet either....

6. I HATE the phrase "It's your day, you can do what you want!" While this is in part true, it really does matter to me what people think and planning a wedding is super stressful.

7. When wedding planning takes over your lives and you forget to do the little things that made you want to marry each other to begin with....
**While Josh and I are very set on getting married I can't say that wedding planning hasn't put strains on our relationship. As much as we are excited for the event and being married, part of me will be happy when it's over.

8. I swear that the prices of things go up because it's "for a wedding" Why do people seriously pay upwards of 10 thousand dollars on one day? Or maybe i'm just cheap....?

9. Offering to help with the wedding today, when i've been working, stressing and planning this for the last 7 months......don't bother, i've got it!
**while I really haven't needed much help, I have to laugh a the people who recieved our invitation and then e-mailed or called and said "Wow I had no idea how quick this was coming up - do you need any help"....I mailed out save the dates, did you not know when our wedding date was?

10. People who wear jeans to a wedding. I better not see any at mine! I believe that weddings are an honor to attend and should be treated that way. Please give the bride and groom some respect and dress nicely like you might for church...


Don't let me fool you, I'm super excited. But for all the Brides to Be or already married women out there, you must be able to relate to some of these :)

Speak no Evil....

Josh and I haven't been talking for almost 3 days now. I can't even remember what either of us got mad about in the first place but it appears that we are both so freakin stubborn that neither of us will give in. We are so stubborn that you would think one of us might go sleep on the couch...nope, we just sleep in our bed with our backs to each other (which by the way my shoulder is killing me from sleeping on the same side!) We have conveniently avoided each other in the bathroom in the morning, and we go on as if everything was fine. Example: I always pack Josh's lunch in the morning after I feed the dogs, and I have continued to do so while we are living in "silence".

Today we did the cordial hello, how was your day after work and that was about it.....hmmmm. Probably not the greatest thing since we are supposed to get married in 45 DAYS!

I will not loose my cool though, I honestly can't remember what we were mad about and now it just feels silly. Plus, I really miss my best friend....

So I decided that I'll break the silence, even though I somewhat pride myself on being the most stubborn (twisted right?) I just can't stand not talking anymore especially when I can't remember what the reason was to begin with.

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. - Bill Cosby

I have BRACES!

I've had braces for a few months now - since october 2009. I will admit I was really really disgusted with them at first and for about a month every time I looked in the mirror the thoughts of "why did I choose this?" crossed my mind. Yes, getting braces was a choice. I really didn't have a bad smile - just a few crooked teeth and horrible TMJ that was getting worse.

Ok so I wasn't being entirely vain, but mostly. I had TMJ and I hated my slightly crooked teeth. I found an orthodontist who said he could fix my tmj and my slightly crooked teeth. (I've been wanting braces since I was in highschool mind you). Low and behold after 7 months of wearing an expander I no longer have TMJ, and after 6 months of braces my teeth are almost done! I went to the orthodontist today and I am going to have them off for my wedding and they will be close to being done shortly after my wedding! I am crossing my fingers that by the end of the summer I will have beautiful smile again and perfect teeth. The best part is the "preview" to my new smile at my wedding.

So the experience has been different. For awhile I didn't feel like a 23 year old and felt more like I looked like someone who was 23 who reverted back to highschool. Although, I keep meeting more and more adults that have or have had braces into adulthood. I'm glad that I choose this, and am really happy with the way my teeth are coming along. I know I'll really be happy when these are off and I have an amazingly perfect smile!

I hate....

I hate my brothers girlfriend! Ok so hate is a very strong word, but I really really dislike her.

My brother sent his rsvp to our wedding and her name was on it!!! I really didn't think she'd have enough guts to actually sit in a room with both sides of my family and Josh's family who also dislike her too (long story).

So new dilemma - do I let her come to my rehersal dinner? Do I actually sit her with my entire family at a table next to the head table? (that is where my brother will be sitting). I realize I'll be busy at our wedding and probably won't even notice her, but it is the principal of the thing. I mean seriously, how disrespectful do you need to be?

I'm trying and I mean i'm really trying (because letting go is probably the hardest thing for me to do) to forget about her. My mom told me bitterness was a very unattractive trait, and I have a tendency to be very bitter..... I take after my grandmother, who I am missing very much right now but that's a whole other post.....at least she'd understand where i'm coming from

We are going on a Honeymoon!

You would think that we would be so excited to go on our Honeymoon that we would've booked our flight and hotel soon after we got engaged.....no us.

we procrastinated until about 2 weeks ago. :) I don't regret procrastinating. I still think we got a great deal and i'm excited to say we are for sure going to Las Vegas a.k.a. Sin City and are staying a the Mandalay Bay hotel.

Josh and I have actually never vacationed alone together. We have always gone with family. And we haven't ever traveled out of state together. This is something Josh has rarely done, while me on the other hand consider myself a seasoned traveler. I'm excited ride on a plane with him - he's only been once, and I probably fly at a minimum of once/year. I'm excited to land in Las Vegas and have to "figure out how to get to our hotel". Ok, i'll admit it, I like to travel and I don't mind being lost or not having much of an agenda. I have a list of places and things we want to see, but i'm totally up for winging the trip. I hate those trips where people have to plan everything to the hour or minute. It'll be interesting to see how Josh handles these things. It's the one thing in our relationship that we don't know about each other.

Wedding Favors

I FINALLY decided what to do for my wedding favors. It took a lot of changing of my mind and researching costs but I have finally decided and there is no turning back since I bought all of the materials and starting putting them together.

So what are we doing? We are putting Hershey Kisses & Hugs at each place setting. The Kisses and Hugs are wrapped in Tulle Circles, tied with a ribbon and have a tag attached that says "Hugs & Kisses from the new Mr & Mrs" It also has our name and wedding date printed on them.

I am so excited and proud of them. I created the tags from scratch on my computer, ordered them from Kinkos, cut them out, wrapped the kisses and hugs in tulle and tied them off myself with ribbon. Our wedding has many personal touches from the invitations all the way to the wedding favors. I hope everyone likes everything as much as I do. I'll try to post some pictures soon

You know you are getting older when....

You know you are getting older when you get Power of Attorney papers in the mail from your parents. More specificially, I got them in the mail today from my dad. Which is a little weird anyways, not because I can't handle being the power of attorney, but because my dad and I are not close and have our issues.

Without getting into tons of details, I almost "univited" my dad and his entire family from my wedding because of some family issues. It's becoming even more evident that my dad will not have much an impact in my life through the next several years and probably for the rest of my life. So this is why I find it kind of funny that I have power of attorney. Although, i'm not sure who else he would even nominate other than my brother, but with the way his life is going that does seem very unlikely.

Anyway, this post is not to be down and out. I really don't mind the responsibilities, but the "wow i'm getting older" light bulb came on in my head today and I kind of chuckled, and then filed the paperwork away.

This week hasn't been so bad....

I haven't written in awhile. Nothing major has happened and I didn't feel like being depressing, although this week I have a lot to be optimistic and excited about.

Our wedding is 2 months away, almost to the day. It's getting so close and i'm getting that nervous excited feeling. As much as I wish we had eloped, I am excited to have a real wedding. I really don't think I would regret eloping at all, I, just like most girls have always envisioned a formal wedding. The practical side of me really doesn't understand the expense of a wedding and I get cynical about it and I probably always will, but I know i'll have a good time and I am excited to see all of our family and friends there!

On the advice of our minister, I bought a couples devotional book yesterday. We read the first day last night before bed. It was a good start. :) Josh and I have been looking for a way to start incorporating church and god back into our lives. We were both raised in that enviornment and would like to raise our children in that as well. It's important to us, but we weren't sure where to start so our minister recommended a couples devotional to 1)Start talking about god and 2) It's for couples to help us with our relationship as well.

I'm going dress shopping this weekend too! Not for myself of course (I already have my dress) but for my mom and my future mother in law. I love dress shopping, especially when it's for someone else. We decided to go to Somerset. Lansing just doesn't have the range and as nice of stores like we do out here.

Things are starting to pick up with the wedding stuff! Work has been a downer, but I have so much other stuff to look forward too, that i'm trying not to let it get me down.

Happy Thursday!

Is it Friday Yet?

Well we made it to and from the Marriage meeting yesterday. That was the craziest drive I have ever elected to do. It was only snowing a bit here in Royal Oak, but boy did it pick up as we got closer to Lansing. When we hit Williamston we got lucky and rode behind a plow truck all the way to Lansing (about 15 miles). It was a good thing because I couldn't see more than 20 yards in front of me! The way back was a better drive, but still only were able to go about 60 mph. Our usual 1 hr 15 min ride turned into 2.

Our session went well though! I feel like we are at such a great place in our relationship right now. I'm excited to get married and I realize why I want to get married now. It's so much more than just a ring on our finger and having the title. It's unfortunate that the wedding industry and turned it into so much glitz and glam, I think the last thing people think about is the ceremony and what it means to them.

Hate to be a complainer, but i've been interrupted by my phone now 4 times while trying to write this. My job is probably the most stressful thing right now. I'm seriously considering looking for a new job. Okay, maybe not super seriously but the thought has crossed my mind more than once now..... That's a whole other issue. I'll have to write more later. Hopefully the day pics up and shows me the bright side of things. :)

Today will be a better day

I'm determined to have a better day than yesterday. It seems that I am on an emotional rollercoaster and I can never quite tell when the highs and lows are going to come. Yesterday was a low....

Today my Fiance and I have our 2nd pre-marital meeting in Lansing. The drive is annoying on a weeknight but I really do enjoy the time in the meeting and usually after. We are best friends and I think the meetings just make me remember why we are such great best friends. This week we are discussing all the relationship big ones - Money, God, Sex, Children ect. Some things I already know what he will say, but others i'm sure will suprise me. :)

Recently in my life

This month has been full or twists and turmoils for my family. I have a younger brother who at the time was living with his girlfriend in Charlotte, MI. One night she called the police and accused my brother of Domestic Violence. He had apparently bit her and choked her. He was arrested, spent the night in jail and now is facing some very serious charges. While I in no way condone his actions, I am appalled at the events that follow.

In the state of MI, as the accuser you can no long decide "to press charges or not press charges" when you make a domestic violence crime it now is put completely in the hands of the State. There is an automatic PPO or restraining order against the accused until the issue is resolved in court. So my brother had moved home with my mom for about a week and a half. One weekend while I was at home I stumpled upon some text messages that proved my brother had been violating his PPO and seeing and even spending the night with his girlfriend. I can honestly say that I never felt more hatred toward a person in my life. She appalls me. I find it dispicable that you would call the police to have some arrested and then later want them back? Like I said earlier, my brother made some huge mistakes that should not go unpunished, but this girl just complicated everything that much more.

While I can't, nor do I want to erase my brother from my life I have a hard time wanting anything to do with him if it involves his girlfriend. It pains me to think about holidays and of course my upcoming wedding. My brother is supposed to be an usher, but at this point it is put on hold since he is now facing some Jail time. I don't want to invite the girlfriend to my wedding, but I realize that by doing that I risk not having my brother at or in my wedding either. I decided to put on the invite Mr. ____ ____ & Guest vs. her name hoping she might get the message and decide not to come.

I think what is the most difficult for me is the relationship with my mother. I have watched her bail him out financially for the past few weeks and he has never even so much as said thank you. I realize my mom can't get rid of him either, but it seems like my family is no longer angry at either of them. We are supposed to "let go of the anger". I'm sorry, but i'm not ready, and this is a HUGE deal and not some little petty issue. This girl could possibly be in our lives forever and I'm feel like i'm supposed to sit on the side line and keep my mouth shut about how I really feel. There is a story in the bible that I try to remember and hold on to each day. Luke 15: 11-32. The story is about the son who goes off and squanders his father's money, only to return and the father celebrates his return. The older son is furious and does not want to celebrate as he has worked hard his whole life for his father. The father replies that we must be glad and celebrate since the younger brother was lost and now is found. Story of my life, except I don't really think my brother has been "found" yet. I hope he is some day and that some day we can have a better relationship. I harbor so much anger right now and i'm not really sure how to get over it.....

Giving this a whirl...

I was reminded that I used to have a blog. It was called a LiveJournal. I think I used it when I was in highschool. I tried to get on the site to see if I could log back in to read what I had written but to no avail. I couldn't remember my password or login, and I've changed e-mails so many times since then I couldn't even get it sent to me. Oh well - I'm sure it was pretty funny.

A friend/neighbor recently started a blog. I suddenly felt compelled to write my thoughts as well. My life seems overwhelmingly crazy and stressful right now and I've more than once written things down lately just to get my thoughts down. It's kind of therapuetic. I'm going through a lot of changes and growing up at this stage in my life. Something I thought I was done doing. Life continues to teach me new lessons and I realize that I won't ever be down growing and changing. Sometimes it's just easier than others.

I'll update again soon. I just don't have time at the moment or even know where to begin with what's been going on lately.