Getting Healthy...

It's no secret that loosing weight is HARD! One of the best things I learned at an early age is that skinny girls aren't just born skinny.... A lot goes into it. Diet, exercise, and a little genetics :) Even though I know all of this, I have struggled with my weight since highschool. It started when I could no longer play sports competitively due to having shoulder surgery twice. Instead I chose to ride horses, which is hard work, but not nearly as physically challenging as volleyball, cheerleading or swimming. (at least not at the beginner level) I slowly gained about 10 pounds before the end of highschool. Depressing, but I wasn't by any means heavy or overweight. In college I gained even more and developed high blood pressure as well. I just attributed all of this to the fact that I was obessed with all you can eat salads and french fries every day in the dorm cafeteria :) So pack on another 20 to 25 pounds by the end of college.... Way Way depressing! I managed to loose 10 lbs after my freshman year but then put it back on after graduation when I moved in with my now husband.

Further more I have ignored the fact that I have high blood pressure for eh.... almost 6 years now... not good! I thought if I lost weight or worked out more it would go away. I mean 20 year olds just don't "have" high blood pressure. I made up lots of excuses as to why I had it - I'm terrified of the doctor and therefore my blood pressure spikes, which is true, but I would take it at home and it would still be high. I'm super stressed ALL the time. My family and friends know I don't relax often thus my blood pressue is high....I don't drink enough water....also true but I don't think it's going to make that big of a difference....you get the point. Enough excuses. I definitely work out more, but haven't lost the weight yet and I still can't get my blood pressure to go down. So I have to go to the doctor now. It's funny how when you get older you start to worry about your health a little more and things really get into perpective. Like the fact that I want kids. But deep down I know that starting a pregnacy even slighty overweight with high blood pressure can pose serious risks for me and my unborn child. So i'm on a new mission now....getting myself healthy before bugging hubby about kids.

It's going to be a long road. My short term goal is to get my blood pressure under control and to loose 15 lbs. Crossing my fingers and praying for patience, persistance and motivation to keep it up. :)

Children?

We've been married for almost 3 months and it's no secret that I want kids! Within the last year I've really wanted kids...bad! Poor Josh on the other hand does not...at least not yet. He says he still feels too young and not ready to take on another living being to care for. I can't argue with that honesty and truthfullness. And it's also selfless in a way - I wouldn't want to bring a child into this world with someone who just wasn't ready yet. I can respect that. I've also been going baby crazy just bit since my neighbor and friend has been pregnant and just delivered her 3rd beautiful baby girl! :) She brought her over tonight and she is so perfect.

So as much as I really do want to have a baby, when I really really think about the reality of it all I'm scared to death! For example, if I found out I was pregnant today, I can only imagine that I would start freaking out thinking about all that i've done lately (drinking, cleaning with "horrible for you" products because they work!) And I suddenly realize how much my life really would change, and Josh's as well. In a weird way Josh and I have become much closer since our wedding. I feel like we're best friends again and content on just hanging out talking all night (which we've done a lot recently) I would miss all of that because a baby would consume us. So as much as I hate to admit it (and I won't tell him...yet) He is right and our entire family will benefit from us waiting just a bit longer. :) I'm pretty sure I can convince him after a year anyways, which means I will still only be 25 and young enough - a year really isn't that long anyways.....

So for now, I get to enjoy my friend's baby once in awhile and enjoy her :)